John Q. Public's Letter to His Senator...From the Heartland Mud-Slugging --- Ankle-Biting & The End of the World... The Easter Charade & Get a Brazilian Butt Lift!

By
Micheline

I love it. This past week and all of the wonderful news about the Secret Service having public sex lives in Columbia. Such an international sensation. I feel so protected and safe here in the Homeland. Our U.S. government working hard for the people and by the people...I lied, it makes me nauseous actually but I guess no body really takes their job seriously anymore...anyway...

Here's a passionate cry by an Iowa guy. Straight from America's Heartland  - to his Senator. It's well written and is brutally forthright. Here goes... FORMS ARE GOING FAST- SIGN UP TODAY! Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin ,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service , I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.

If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively?

This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in two of the last 5 years. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications , as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums .. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
 (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )
Donald Ruppert Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040 (Please pass this on to your friends so they can save on this great offer.) Things just don't add up do they? Or do they? Thank God John Q. still can write letters that aren't censored...

And if that isn't enough, the NSA is completing a Spy Center in Utah...I guess after it's coronation they'll invite Colombian Ladies of the Evening to partake in the festivities...NSA in Utah Link

Anyway, that's all for now folks. Support your cosmic U.S. satire writer. Buy my books on Kindle.

XOXO
Micheline

By


Micheline Birger


The political heat is simmering. Brewing. Not yet percolated... The Republican Chorus Line auditions is down to the home stretch. Rick Santorum is out officially. Mitt, Newt & Ron are still in the queue. Who's who? Larry, Moe or Curly Joe? They all have skin in the game...but no matter which way you cut-dice-splice or debone it...everybody but everybody knows and assumes that Mitt is the nominee. Mitt's going to be the guy unless there is an unusual twist that neither side saw coming 'round the mountain.


What's the use, I sometimes wonder??? Is this life on earth as we know it? Is 12/21/2012 really the end of the world? Are we all going to go to Heaven or Hell? Why even bother running for anything...look at all of the turmoil the planet is going through...no one is immune. Is this how we're going to end it? Fighting and blowing each other up...for what ungodly reason??? Quite frankly, it's a foreign concept that I still haven't grasped being from the Planet Venus and all...


However, according to a lot of sources - it will not be the end of the world. Sylvia Browne, the famous psychic says it is because the Mayans ran out of ink for their calendar. Metaphysicians who have researched this rumor have gone down to the Mayan territory - Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Guatemala & El Salvador. Apparently the folks in those countries think the whole thing is a joke. The calender is simply the end of the current round calendar and that's it. Pure and simple. Just exactly what is a round calendar though?


We'll see. We're always living in the future in the U.S.A. I guess it's because we all collectively cannot stand the present - the present moment. We're all sharing the same oxygen. We're all trying to make it through another day in the media-o-cracy that we live in. The Mud-Slugging --- Ankle-Biting --- Gotcha Misinformation from all the stellar role models who think they know what is best for us. The pseudo-elitists who make up lies in order to sell-sell-sell their ad space for their latest widget and whatchamacallit...


A lot of folks just not quite satisfied that the President is actually a U.S. citizen. Hearsay has it that he was born in Kenya and then registered in Hawaii as a live birth. Then after that the records got swallowed up by Moby Dick, the great white whale...there is still a lot of speculation on that sore topic. My question is - suppose in some way - somehow - someone does prove that Obama was born in Kenya, then what? I'm not a lawyer but I assume that would be an impeachable offense.


It seems that the all sizzle and no steak pizazz has dwindled down for him. His popularity is waning. Even his Leading Ladies - Oprah & Barbra Streisand are not gung-ho about supporting him publicly anymore. What a pity! Barbra won't be singing a fundraising benefit for him. Oprah lost her ratings when she publicly endorsed him. They say they will private support him but not publicly. You're on your own Barack...showbiz and politics make for strange rating wars....


So, let's sit back and watch the lies continue to unfurl. The warring, divisive tactics have only just begun. Let's watch all the candidates go for the jugular; throw knives at each other's hearts; sacrifice their first-born and shoot poison arrows at each other. Hey, they're just out having fun.


Meanwhile, back at the ranch, most Americans are feeling pressure at the pump; pain at the grocery store while raging anger at out of control government spending which continues to escalate. Most people want to know when there will be some semblance of balance with all of this promised Change. Most folks agree on one thing - that the Change has been for the worse...so we shall see.


And furthermore - why is it reported that Obama pays less taxes than his secretary...and why oh why can't the Secret Service keep their pants zippered up when traveling internationally on our dime in Columbia, South America? I guess they took their Liagra oh, excuse me, their Viagra...


Ankle-Biting --- Mud-Slugging --- End of the World - don't touch that dial. Who knows what lies and fabrications that these psychopaths and pathological liars will conjure up this week...I can't wait. Their comedy show is the best. They're going to be swallowed up by Moby Dick for being such Pinocchio's...


XOXO


Micheline



Support your local satire writer. Buy my books on Kindle.


By

Micheline Birger

Well, it's been another knee-slapping-rib-tickling-giggle-fest with this past week's unenlightened political brouhaha. The Talk Show wars continue ad infinitum. The major networks spin broadcast news and sells it to us as the truth. So what else is new? Any news program that is sponsored by Viagra, Depends and Cymbalta has to be doctored in order for us to stomach it. Maalox - please.

It seems that all this campaign is about is politicks as usual. It's about nothing again. Zip - Nada - Ziltch. The usual song and dance. The government thinks that the U.S. public is nothing more than one big giant ATM machine. They need to finance their agenda which is nothing more than a scheme to take U.S. taxpayers money for the common good - whatever that is. I hear echoes of The Donald screaming at the top of his lungs - You're fired Washington D.C.!

I say that all of these think-tank-ivory-tower-pseudo-elitists in D.C. who voted for ObamaScare - get ObamaScare while they are in office. Let them be the guinea pigs since they voted for it. When it blows up in their face because they can't see the doctor that they want and/or can't speak English...then they will quickly change their tune. Hey, all men and women are created equal according to the Constitution - right? Well, give them a taste of their own medicine. Have them sign up immediately. Why should they be any different than the average Joe & Jane in America?

The new American motto for health care is - But Doc I got this pain and it won't go away...it's called...who shall pay? Who shall pay? But enough of those megalomaniac sociopaths in D.C. They will get their poetic justice when they least expect it.

But now back to more mundane matters. I felt reminiscent about past childhood Easters. My parents liked to go places when I was growing up. I remember going to visit an Aunt and Uncle with four kids. Trust me, this aunt couldn't and wouldn't get the all American trophy for holiday cuisine. Mind you, my French Mom was a fabulous cook. She snubbed her nose at Betty Crocker. She took great pride in cooking as only the snobby French are allowed to do.

On the way back in the car, from the Dinner a la You've Got to be Kidding, my father, brother and I would hear a nonstop critique of this women's lack of culinary abilities from my dearly departed French Mom. "The turkey was underdone - it was still pink...didn't she know that you had to defrost the turkey first and no - 200 degrees was not warm enough for the oven to cook the stupid bird. Didn't she know that you had to take out the guts from the turkey? And put stuffing in that spot? She didn't know how to baste it or stuff it...the gravy was lumpy and tasteless...she had to resort to buying canned gravy...thank God the store was open..."

"The potatoes were undercooked...didn't she know that you had to cook the potatoes before mashing them?" And on and on she would lament the entire duration of the car trip. And how come my uncle never complained? "His mother was a good cook...how can and does she feed those poor kids that food?" Ah, sweet childhood Easter memories of life...

So, the band plays on. Big Brother Media continues to lie to us while marketing-marketing-marketing pills for all of our ills. No wonder we have so many whacko murders in the U.S. with all of these split-personality broadcast journalists and politicians who have only their self-interest at heart? Stay tuned.

If you want to watch some great dark satire on the state of this nation then I recommend that you to watch Tracey Ullman's State of the Union available for free on Hulu. http://www.hulu.com/watch/262657/tracey-ullman-state-of-the-union-episode-1 It's gut-wrenching hysterically funny and sadly the truth. Go Tracey! The best show I've seen in a long-long time. I would love to see more of your shows. Bravo!

Well, I'm off to get my Brazilian Butt Lift...

XOXO

Micheline

Support your local satire writer. My Sister Murdered My Parakeet & other books.

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