'Twas the Nite Before the Election...& Still No Sex Scandal...Yet!!! Dial-A-Prayer Politicks & Still No Sex Scandal...Yet! Liberal Conservatives and Other Word Twists Political Surrealism or 'Tis the Season of the Female Republican

By

Micheline Birger


'Twas the Nite before the election
and all through the House
the politicians were all sweating -
even Mickey Mouse...Squeak! Squeak!

Well, the Big Day arrives as promised tomorrow...or as Will Rogers once quipped - "More men have been elected between SunDown and SunUp than between SunUp and SunDown." I believe that we can all agree to disagree that watching this painful process is like watching a bad sitcom of a very dysfunctional family...all vying for power. It's been a brutal battle. "A political war is one where everyone shoots from the lip." Raymond Moley. "Every nation has the government that it deserves." Joseph Marie de Maistre (1753-1821) (The only race where most people pick the winner is an election) Enough said.

About sex scandals...really, just cheap shot attempts against the opposing party...so what else is new darling??? Yawn...there is an old affair - one that buoyed forth in a smear ad about Senator David Vitter (R) - happened in 2007...apparently he made calls to the D.C. Madam...he was in her Rolodex or something...he copped to his lack of judgement...he knows that he committed a serious sin...and he is likely to beat Melancon (D) in Louisiana...and then there was a negative blog that some guy was paid to write about Christine O'Donnell in her racy college daze...some guy by the name of Brad...it's unclear whether he was an old flame or just a bud...how infantile and desperate...

So the main issues loom larger than life...health care, illegal immigrants, the economy, war...what to do? What to do? And did you know that the U.N. Compound in the Big Apple is getting fumigated for yet a third term for bedbugs?...three is a charm.

Then there is all of these creepy-crawly stories about election fraud...and is Big Brother really keeping account of who is voting... Annie Get Your Gun...are they demanding I.D.'s...is it true that folks are registering as Donald Duck; Mickey Mouse; Genghis Khan; Jive Turkey; Dick Tracy; Karl Marx; Woody Woodpecker??? And are they really letting illegal immigrants vote in Prince George's County, Maryland??? Is it true? Is it true? Is it true that someone inadvertently, accidentally on purpose, sent 2000 ballots to the Cook County Jail for Illinois's finest to cast their vote? Meanwhile, back at the Frontline in the War Zones - customer service got the order messed up and didn't get the ballots out to the U.S. Servicemen and Women...you know the one's fighting for the U.S. of A?

And, by the way, is it true that McDonald's in Canton, Ohio...that employee's got a little note in their paychecks that said - "If the right people are elected, we will be able to continue with raises and benefits...at or above the current levels...if other's are elected we will not. Vote Republican."

Oh, and of course we can't forget the Prez of the Free World on Jon Stewart...you know the guy - President Dude? Hey Dude!!! And of course Jon and Steven Colbert's big shindig rally in D.C. on the 30th of October was extremely well attended...perhaps 150,000-200,000 showed up to that gala to Restore Sanity and/or Fear...I watched some of it live online...a stellar line-up of star power...Cat Stevens; The O'Jays; Ozzy Osbourne; Sam Waterston of Law & Order read Colbert's poem...Are You Sure? And former Saturday Night Live icon - Father Guido Sarducci made a surprise appearance to Bless the Event...

My "hit" on the whole event is a famous quote by from Clarence Darrow when he was speaking of Lincoln Steffens - "Everything serious he says is a joke and everything humorous he says is dead serious."

I loved some of the picket signs at the Event Rally. Leaders Lead - Not Bicker...Keep the Government Out of My Cauldron...I Doubt That This Sign Will Change Your Opinion.

Other clever witticisms in the air and on the air were - "The Democratic Party has gotten so bad that even the nominees are voting Republican." "A taxpayer voting Democrat is like a chicken voting for Col. Sanders." "Conservative women are all whores and bitches"...and if Nancy Pelosi is ousted she will either quit or retire...thar' she blows...Happy Trails to you until we meet again...Joyce Behar calls Sharron Angle a "bitch"...Sarah Palin is on the Today Show talking about the Great Alaskan Pipeline becoming a reality...

And last but not least, the current Commander-in-Chief...President Dude has spent the last week campaigning-jetting-campaigning-jetting...and two daze after the bloodbath election he has a Passage to India via a huge dog 'n' pony entourage...courtesy of the U.S. Taxpayer. He has booked the entire Taj Mahal Hotel...Michelle apparently will meet with sex workers there...and yes folks...we are paying for your opinion but please keep your opinions to yourself.

So sleep tight my friends...the party has only begun...who will be the last candidates standing? Will the Republicans take over the House and possibly the Senate??? 'Twas the night before the election and all through the House...now who? Who - Who - Who let the dogs out???

By

Micheline Birger


Eight more daze of this..."You can fool some of the people all the time; and all of the people some of the time but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." Lincoln

The political Stupid-Bowl...bloodbath...Super-Bowl continues. Each party is poised like a viper making sure that they guard their turf...and catch the opportunity to out do each others shenanigans...and why shouldn't they? I would love to see all of the candidates dress up as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! and Quack! Quack! Quack! Right back at ya'...throw in an occasional cock-a-doodle-doo! Jest for the Zen of it.

Or they could wear Bozo the Clown outfits with big red noses in their contrived face-offs. Each time one of them told a fib then their nose would grow...just like Pinocchio. The first one who's big red nose fell off is the biggest loser...

It seems like all of the hype is so superfluous to anything real...no wonder Dick Cheney & George Bush haven't come out to endorse anyone. They're probably sitting at home with the remote watching all of the Mud-Slugging and thinking - "Thank God I am done with that part of my life." I would love to know what they are thinking...feeling. Maybe they will come out of the woodwork at the 11th hour.

I think it is an interesting observation to watch a current President run around the country still campaigning. As President of the US of A, I would think he has more pressing matters. I can see a former popular Prez doing it...I wonder just how you market and package all of this "change?" This magic? And exactly why should we the people trust what any politician says???

I feel this undercurrent of a revolution going on in America. We want our politicians held accountable for every single dime of our tax dollars. We want a money back guarantee. Tit-for-Tat. We want to go and pound on the door at 0300 and say - "This is broke - give me different...we want proof...we want action...we want responsibility."

Some folks think that this "early voting" hype leaves too much room for error and foul play. And word has it that the servicemen overseas fighting still haven't received their ballots. How is it that a convicted felon has precedence over soldiers in combat...am I missing something here?

There was a hair, a sliver, of an old and tired sex scandal that emerged out of thin air this past week...the Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas Affair...of 19 years ago. Apparently Mrs. Thomas called Anita and asked her to apologize for accusing her hubby....the whole thing has ruined their life...well, it isn't going to happen...no they are not getting in the hot tub at 0400 to sing Kumbaya together...talk about a blast out of the past...and the blue.

So every one knows about Juan Williams of NPR getting canned...for his thinking out loud statement on air...about how he felt about flying...what's next...a device that's inserted under the skull so the Thought Police can track your thoughts??? The media is still scapegoating Christine O'Donnell for one thing or the other...evolution vs creationism...or whatever nonsense they can muster up for the sake of controversy...none of them were there so how does anyone really know...really now...they make her out as some airhead when in reality they took clips out of context...

There is a 15% approval rate for Nancy Pelosi...and as the Donald goes there goes the nation...apparently Donald Trump contributed $50,000 to a Karl Rove independent group - American Crossroads - a Republican outfit. I guess he can't wait until after the elections to say - "You're fired!" Maybe he can host a new Apprentice Show called "The Wannabee Politician". People could cast their votes via phone for the candidates of their choice.

I love this country. Only a country as insane as ours could be this outrageously popular on the planet. Now we have a new party in New York called - The Rent Is Too Damn High Party - for the governor's race. It's kind vague as to whether or not the founder, Jimmy McMillian is paying rent or not...we have the Aqua-Buddha in Kentucky...the Jon Stewart & Steven Colbert rally in Washington D.C. Oct. 30...ads choreographed by professional dancers demonstrating how the candidates "dance around issues." I think I will start my own party and call it - The You've Got to be Kidding Party - why not? I have no idea what I would run for but it would be a hoot discovering what could come from it...

So, last but not least, former Surgeon General, Joycelyn Elders thinks that the US ought to legalize marijuana. She's probably sitting at home with her remote watching this election tea party mania. She's probably thinking out loud or even singing that song by Bob Dylan...Everybody Must Get Stoned...

So the Vaudevillian circus of American Politicks crusades onwards and upwards...the Republicans are absolutely sure that they will nail Congress and perhaps the Senate...the Democrats absolutely sure that they will stay in power...and we shall soon see...who will be here today and gone tamale...or Don't Worry Be Happy...the election process hasn't even got to a full boil yet...little public nuances are continuously erupting like - how come Senator Harry Reid lives at the Ritz Carlton in D.C. and 15% of his state is unemployed???

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Just who will be the last candidates standing? The 8 day countdown continues...Blue or Red??? Most folks just want to see more Green - as in $$$. And that my friends is the bottom line. Show me - us the money...either that or you're fired. You didn't do your job right. Forget about the weak words of "getting fired up and politicks as usual." I do believe that the real battle will begin after Election Day...and who exactly is counting the votes? And why should, We, I trust them?

Pardon me for my childlike wonder in politicks. I am just an armchair observer. I would love to see the day when I don't feel so jaded and cynical by all of this off-the-wall-smoke 'n' mirrors-political-hoedown-showdown...I'm casting my vote with Dial-A-Prayer for the best folks to win for the greatest good...

Look me up on Amazon & Amazon Kindle.

Love,
Micheline

By

Micheline Birger



I'm still waiting for the Sex Scandal 29 days before the Mid-Term Elections. I don't know if anyone else has noticed besides myself that we have a lot of disgruntled voters and politicos out there. Everyone thinks they have "The Answer". George Burns was right - "How come everyone who knows how to run the country is busy either driving cabs or cutting hair?" Everyone 'cept the politicians...they all know how to get "on course" and not deviate. Economics, jobs, health, education,crime, national and international security, diplomatic relations - whew - I'm exhausted. I need some comic relief amongst all of this cacophony.

Well, former Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, is back in the saddle again. Or is it back on the saddle again? Whatever! You remember, the guy who wanted to clean up New York but got caught with Call Girl #9, a wannabe singer? That Eliot Spitzer. Well is little affaire de la coeur (affair of the heart) girlfriend profited from this exposure by having her songs downloaded more than 100,000 times at .99 cents a pop. Only in America. Sex does sell, doesn't it?

Anyway, he is a born-again, reformed man. He's got a gig co-hosting yet another Talking Head Show with Kathleen Parker, a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist. Kathleen is the Star. Yeah! Woman on top! I think they call her a "liberal conservative" whatever that is. You figure it out. I can't.

Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman are deep in their mud-wrestling for their governorship of the Great State of California. Meg is being crucified, stoned, and hung on the cross by her past Hispanic maid of 9 years. I don't know, something to the effect that the maid was never legal or something. "'Splain yourself out of that one Lucy." But underneath all of that hoopla the real question remains. That is whether or not the voters are angry enough at 'dem Dems for spending so much dough since they've been in office. And...are they, the voters, willing to switch over to overthrow the current regime???

Hilary Clinton is not running for Prez in 2012. I guess that is why a dentist from Illinois has paid for an ad for her that has already aired in New Orleans. Hill for Prez in 2012. Her slogan - Where there's a Hill, there's a way! Apparently the ads are going to be placed in LA, New York, Washington and possibly Houston. That's what they call "strategerie" for someone who denies zero interest or the intention to be dragged through the political coals - once again. I must hand it to all of these woman politico's - regardless of their party - Hooray! They all have guts and brawn!

I guess if there is some sexual tension in this race, it is with the women running for office. They claim that the media is biased, sexist and that the women candidates whine too much because it appears that the almighty media plays the gender card way too much. Gosh, as a female observer, watching this whole fiasco, my immediate knee-jerk reaction is - Ya' think? If it walks like a turkey, and talks turkey, then it's turkey, isn't it?

Of course it is true. When equally qualified folks are vying for power slots, it brings out the best and the worst of them, doesn't it? That is what makes them whole and alive. We need street-fighting chicks getting their stronghold in the political system. Isn't that what America is about? Or, am I missing something? Please let me know.

Apparently Christine O'Donnell and her masturbation comment was misconstrued erroneously. Ha! Christine sees masturbation as adultery. What??? Am I missing something? Who and what are they committing adultery with? And really, what does it matter? In the grander scheme of things...

Rahm Emmanuel, the White House Chief of Staff, stepped down from his post to go be 'da Mayor of crime-ridden corrupt Chicago. His replacement, Peter Mouse likes cats. He's going to be the new Chief of Staff. Oh, I'm so sorry, I stand to be corrected - Peter Rouse...somehow I like Mouse better. You know, everything in politicks and in life is one big cat and mouse game anyway.

Jon Stewart is "saddened by Obama"; Obama is barnstorming in backyared politicks trying to rustle up votes for the Mid-Terms...and the great Stupid-Bowl er SuperBowl of politics a la Americaino continues. And I love every single moment of it. I write about it because I know nothing about it. Is there any other reason on the planet to write about it? I don't think so. But, I tell ya', just one itty-bitty, juicy sex scandal would definitely liven things up. Don't you think? The heat is on!

See my book, Everybody Lies About Their Sex Life

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/product.aspx?ISBN=0-7414-2890-3

By

Micheline Birger


You know, quite frankly, I am oh so bored with this Mid-Term erection process. No juicy, meaty, scintillating sex scandals to blather on about. How dull...how flat...thus far. Except from that chick from Delaware - Christine O'Donnell who's whopping all of the Big Boys in her home state. Yeah, go Christine go. Go get 'em Tiger!!! Oh Saturday Night Live did a blip on her on her anti-masturbation or was it pro-masturbation politico platform? Whatever...does it really matter? Do you want Uncle Sam in your bedroom? Especially when you are alone? Oh poooolllleeeezzzzeee!!! I surmise it was just the misspokenness of her youth...

Those Republican Girls are like giant wrecking balls coming into play with the oh so stale male political agendas. Now that is what I call change. These gals have more b___s than any man that I have ever known...and I say - more power to them. I do not know, nor do I care about what their agenda is - but - what I do admire is their grit and determination to live their vision. They are indeed the poster child for the pop-up doll, Barbie, who actually does have a valid opinion this time. And these Barbie Republican gals, just will not, and I repeat will not - back down.

They are a role-model for all women. They are not quivering, shaking and crying boohoo-boohoo every time the media-o-cracy gives them flack. It used to be that political women "stood by their man" almost like that Tammy Wynette song. And now it is the men who are "standing by their woman." Quite frankly, I do not know that much about this Christine O'Donnell and what her marital status is or is not...I just admire her "full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes" laser beam focus for her agenda. Let the best man win...whether it be man or woman!

The only big sex thing thus far, to my knowledge is the gays in the military - "Don't ask, don't tell policy" that I quite don't understand...but there are folks out there that apparently want to repeal it for whatever esoteric or moral reasoning that they can muster up. I say it is just another smoke'n'mirrors brouhaha that means absolutely zilch in the Big Picture of things...does it really matter who is fighting for America as long as they are Americans??? To the core in their heart and souls? Does a church ask where the money comes from when they need their coffers filled? No, they just thank a power much greater for providing.

So the political Stupid-Bowl, er, Super-Bowl continues as comedienne Steven Colbert goes to Washington D.C. to address Congress about "corn-husking" or some such nonsense; the Talk Show Hosts continue to roast Obama like a stuffed pig by reminding the people how bad off we are with him; and the Tea Party Movement is gaining momentum as we all go rogue. God, we all need a good sex scandal to sweeten the pot. That always spins things even more out of control in this spun-out-of-control Midterm Erection. I shall call it the Dawning of the Age of the Republican Female Dominance a la Ball-Busting Get Back to Basics and Make American Strong Agenda.

It just goes to show you, a woman has to work twice as hard to go half as far as a man - but they do and can do it. It is their Karma, it is their Destiny. Does anyone, anybody, I am desperate to know...does anyone know about any good sex scandals besides masturbation in this heat of political fervor? Yes, Ti's the season of the woman...yeah!